I have always been taught by my parents that wherever I am whatever I accomplish in life I should always remember that I owe everything from GOD. Therefore staying humble is great way to keep up my spiritual life as well as close relationship with GOD. I know somewhere, somehow I will be doing well and that I will work hard to give myself a better prospect in the future and to the extent help my parents and family.

I know I will still eat sack and sack of rice before I even get to that success illusion. As what others say, I just started and should not expect anything less. Too damn right, lol. I aim higher and that I hope I can make it to my graduation in 2 yrs time. Would I last that long? I guess sooo...

Many of my neighbor predicted on my future that I won't make it. But I didn't say a word or respond to it, in fact it didn't bother me in the slightest. I just let them say whatever they want to say. Life is unpredictable and only God knows. All I asked and pray is that I hope that I would not be misguided to a bad path in life. I know that I am not perfect and I would never be, not even close to good, lol. I have been influence by my  devilish side but I am yet trying to stay in tune and remind myself often that my worldly dream will come in time and that I should be patience and think nothing but my studies.

Being a student at the same time dealing my life as a teenager, there is no short of challenges and struggles where temptaion is everywhere. However, I have been so good and manage to avoid most of it and thats because I am faith in myself and that I set a limit to myself and to be exact I have a self-desscipline.

Since, what happen to my younger sister, I realised how much it hurts Mum and Dad. I kind of think that if we lost our parents our life will be more messed that it is. I know that I go out late at night sometimes and I often disobeyed my parents. It hurts them, I can see in their eyes how much they suffer all of this endless ordeal in our family. It seems there is no ending, no solution and we are hopeless but the fact is it is our choice and I know that people tend to blame it either to us the children or the our parents and its oblivious thing to say. Oh well, I guess there is something to do of bad parenting? For me, my parents did really well on raising us. Imagine, 11 children to feed and take care of? Obviously not being taught of how importance the contraceptive is. No family planning is being practice, lol.

I guess we are just all rebellious and that is nothing to do with my parents being bad. The single problem is we driven to this one word, "want" and wanting seems that it is a must-have so you really have to find way how to get it plus the "impatience". This is where I kind of think again and again that "wanting" + "impatience" or "wanting now" equals to prostitution, stealing and such.

Who can help? No one but yourself.....